Gas Station Cappuccino | Episode 8

Gas Station Cappuccino | Episode 8

Dean Saddoris: For Episode 9-

Danny Lehr: Episode 9, next episode.

Dean Saddoris: We have to both each shotgun two FitAIDs each.

Danny Lehr: Two FitAIDs each?

Dean Saddoris: So four FitAIDs total we have to shotgun.

Danny Lehr: Oh, that's going to put me out of ketosis.

Dean Saddoris: Oh.

Danny Lehr: Oh, that's all right. The next day I'll be back in.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. Maybe we'll just do one then so it's not as harsh. We'll each do one.

Danny Lehr: Or, you know what I'll just do is I'll just do two and then I'll go purge.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, there's that. Maybe you'll just throw up from the shotgun. But then, also, we have to split a can of sardines.

Danny Lehr: Now that I'm actually ...

Welcome to the Gas Station Cappuccino.

Dean Saddoris: Episode 8.

Danny Lehr: Episode 8, by Caffeine and Kilos. I am Danny Lehr. Dean Saddoris here by my side.

Dean Saddoris: Yes. Here we are.

Danny Lehr: Saddled up.

Dean Saddoris: Strapped in.

Danny Lehr: So we record these a couple of weeks ahead of time. The last episode to release, Episode 4, and a lot of positive feedback. So if you have not listened to Episode 4, like, maybe you started listening after that, we would suggest that. I was going to say, "And if you're interested-"

Dean Saddoris: Starting to catch our flow around Episode 4, huh?

Danny Lehr: Episode 4. That's what they say. Should we give a little teaser of what happens in Episode 4 in case someone didn't listen to it, or should we just leave it at that?

Dean Saddoris: Might as well, because I don't even know what we talked about.

Danny Lehr: Well, we talked about how to gain weight, gaining weight, the chicken deal. Someone actually sent me a message on Instagram.

Dean Saddoris: The whole chicken method.

Danny Lehr: They sent me a picture, like, they were in Raley's, or whatever, a picture of all the rotisserie chickens on the warmer.

Dean Saddoris: Oh man.

Danny Lehr: And they said, "Dude, 2018, weight gain. Time to gain it."

Dean Saddoris: All that tells me is that I'm going to start having people do ridiculous things, because we said it on the podcast, and they're going to take it as fact.

Danny Lehr: Check it out. Well, so that is a real thing. I told him, I said, "Yeah, dude. Do it." And he goes, "Bro, I've been on this whole chicken-a-day train." He says, "I've been on the weight gain. I've been pounding a chicken a day for lunch for the last, like, two months."

Dean Saddoris: That's funny. That's good.

Danny Lehr: I thought it was just me, but it's a thing. It's a real thing.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. I mean, I can't wait to share the turkey shit shot in the morning, you know, like a shot glass full of turkey shit.

Danny Lehr: Oh, yeah. Turkey shit, yeah.

Dean Saddoris: You just take a shot of turkey shit every day, and you can PR your snatch by like 40 kilos in a month. Fact.

Danny Lehr: Yeah, man. When you're on it, if you follow that advice, make sure you reach out to us.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, trust me. Trust me.

Danny Lehr: Yeah. Some people might think it's hard to find turkey shit, but it's pretty simple. Obviously you're not committed if you're not willing to go buy a live turkey.

Dean Saddoris: Well, I mean, most Bel Air Raley's has it.

Danny Lehr: I think it'd be better-

Dean Saddoris: It's in the organic foods section.

Danny Lehr: If you actually buy a live turkey.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, or you can just house one.

Danny Lehr: Just house a turkey. You know what I mean? It's like you get chickens to get your own eggs. Or maybe if you live out in the country you get some goats or something for milk. You just get a turkey. That way you can just harvest that turkey shit. You know what? Oh, like, "That's a milk cow. Oh, that's a shit turkey."

Dean Saddoris: Oh, yeah. "What you got? What kind of turkeys do you use for your shit turkey?" It's a whole thing.

Danny Lehr: It's a whole thing.

Dean Saddoris: Better quality you can get from different turkeys. It's a whole thing.

Danny Lehr: And you feed them different stuff. If you want the highest quality turkey shit, and you're going to PR your snatch after drinking it every morning, what do you feed that turkey?

Dean Saddoris: Oh, easy. Other turkeys.

Danny Lehr: Oh, yeah. See, that makes a lot of sense.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. You get the whole recycle. The whole cycle of life.

Danny Lehr: Right. So you really need ... So, every, like, what, like every month you buy new turkeys, and then that way you constantly have a next one; one to feed the other ones.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. When one passes away you just throw it in the room with the other one.

Danny Lehr: And just let them go?

Dean Saddoris: You just let them eat at it.

Danny Lehr: A lot of people probably might get really upset by this. But I'm going to start by saying that dog fighting is terrible. All right? Way against it, the whole dog fighting thing. But, this is what might upset some people, but I'm just going to say it anyway, is cock fighting, I don't have any sort of moral thing against it.

Dean Saddoris: Well, it's because it's not a domesticated animal.

Danny Lehr: Now, my neighbor has chickens. You know what I mean? Like, I'll catch the chickens, and pet, whatever. It's not like I don't like chickens, but I feel like they're chickens.

Dean Saddoris: Well, I put it this way. I'm 100% comfortable saying that if I'm in Mexico and I walk by an arena-

Danny Lehr: And there's a cock fight going on.

Dean Saddoris: Where there's cock fighting going on, I'm walking in there with 350 fucking pesos, and I'm throwing some cash down.

Danny Lehr: The whole $3?

Dean Saddoris: Yes.

Danny Lehr: Now, see, we might catch some heat for this. But you know what? It is what it is. I'm with you.

Dean Saddoris: I'm not here to judge other cultures.

Danny Lehr: And here's the thing. I'm not saying I necessarily want to watch the cock fight. Like, I don't really get off on that. But I'll tell you what I do love is gambling. You know what I mean?

Dean Saddoris: I'm talking from a strictly gambling standpoint here.

Danny Lehr: Yeah, exactly. I not going to really want to watch the whole thing, except for, you know, if you've got money riding on one you'd probably get into it. It would be like when we went to the wrestling match, WWE. I don't know shit about any of the characters. I won't know any of the chickens. I know a few of the WWE people. That's why we went to watch. They support us, go to support them. But all the other people, I really kind of didn't know. So I'm there, and I don't know what's going on. And then all of a sudden I find myself in the chants. I'm watching, next thing you know, I'm over here, "Seven, eight nine!" We're in it. "Woo!" Yelling, freaking out. So I think that might be the same thing. I go in there, place some bets on the chickens, and I'm kind of, "Eh, I'm not really going to watch. I don't really care about it." Next thing I know I'm probably just screaming, cash in hand, just one of the hooligans.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. Well, no, it's probably one of those experiences, say like if you went to Mexico or something and you went to, like, a donkey show. It sounds like a great idea before you go in, and then you just leave and you're kind of like, "Oh, man. I wish I did not go in there and see that."

Danny Lehr: I kind of feel bad for the horse.

Dean Saddoris: "This actually was way more literal than I really expected."

Danny Lehr: What's that movie? He goes, "That donkey show, I felt bad for the girl. I kind of felt bad for the horse."?

Dean Saddoris: I don't remember.

Danny Lehr: You know what I'm talking about?

Dean Saddoris: Yeah.

Danny Lehr: It's like Seth Rogen. Like, it's Seth Rogen.

Dean Saddoris: I can't remember. But it was something like that.

Danny Lehr: It probably is. You'd probably be in the throws of it at the cockfight, and then you'd leave, and then later that day you'd just be like-

Dean Saddoris: "Oh, many that was kind of fucked up."

Danny Lehr: "Wow, what was that?"

Dean Saddoris: "Dude, that was aggressive. That was a lot of blood." But yeah, anyways.

Danny Lehr: Okay. So I'm changing gears on you a little. Something ... In fact, like, completely changing gears on here. On a previous episode I had mentioned, kind of in passing, just kind of dropped the whole, like, "Oh, yeah. Got a vasectomy two days ago." Right? Well, so what I didn't do is get into the story too much. And it's weird. People don't talk about it. There's a lot of things in life people just kind of don't talk about for whatever reason. Vasectomy is one of them. But then what happens is you start telling people you're going to have one, or you just had one, and every male I know that's over the age of, like, 35 has had a vasectomy.

Dean Saddoris: It's a pretty common thing.

Danny Lehr: Dude. Like I said, I was at this party the other night, little dinner party, and there's like five couples there. And every single one of the guys is like, "Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Let me tell my story." And everyone's got a story, and they're all different. And so I heard this, like, horror stuff. The guy was like, "Hey, man. It's weird. Just make sure you shave. I'm talking like eggs." He goes, "I go in there, and they said ... I thought I shaved, and they're like, "No, it's not good enough." These two female nurses, or physician's assistants, these two women are reshaving my nuts." I don't know why it took two of them. You know what I mean? Maybe this guy's-

Dean Saddoris: Well, one to watch and laugh, and one to actually do it.

Danny Lehr: That must be it. So he's like, "I don't know. It was like zero degrees in there, and what the iodine did, but it was like inverted." Right? I'm like, "Oh, man."

Dean Saddoris: Jeez.

Danny Lehr: Yeah. So I'm like, "Oh, dude. That doesn't sound too pleasant." So I show up at the doctor and just kind of see what's going on. I think I mentioned last time, Dr. Wiener. Shout out to Dr. Wiener. [inaudible 00:08:23] does vasectomies. That's a real thing. I went and looked it up.

Dean Saddoris: [crosstalk 00:08:25] changed his name, just because of the profession.

Danny Lehr: Maybe. Good move. So I go in there, he's like, "Yeah, come on back." Then, there's no one else in the room, just me and him. He goes, "Lay down on the table." I go, "Where's the gown at?" You know what I mean? "Do I need a gown?" He goes, "No, just like that." Fully dressed, lie down on the table.

Dean Saddoris: The whole gown thing is silly anyways.

Danny Lehr: The whole gown thing is silly, but I don't know. I'm going to an operation. There's going to be, like, he's going to cut open my scrotum and do some stuff. I don't know if there's blood, or what's going on. You know? "Ah, just lay down in your clothes."

Dean Saddoris: All that tells me is that now your pants have a story.

Danny Lehr: Yeah. "Oh, these are my vasectomy pants."

Dean Saddoris: "Oh, it's funny you mention that. These are my vasectomy pants."

Danny Lehr: I was wearing these exact ones. He's like, "Pull your pants down on the table." Then he goes to give me an injection, right? A little morphine injection, and he does local also, but does a morphine injection. He just takes a rubber glove out, and ties it around my bicep. He goes, "Eh, that'll work as a tourniquet right there."

Dean Saddoris: "That'll do."

Danny Lehr: "That'll do." No, his exact words here, he goes, "Works like a charm."

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. I mean, why wouldn't it?

Danny Lehr: I don't know. And again, what's wrong with that? Like, if he just had a strip of whatever, tubing, or a glove material-

Dean Saddoris: The same material, but a different shape.

Danny Lehr: Or just a glove material, yeah, and did that, I wouldn't have thought anything of it. So why is it weird? I was like, "Oh, all right. Sounds good." And then he gives me the injection, puts a little gauze over it, and then just pulls my sleeve over the gauze, "That'll hold that in place right there."

Dean Saddoris: I'll tell you one thing. It sounds like this doctor's office doesn't have much overhead.

Danny Lehr: I'm telling you what. I said, "He could have done this shit in the middle of the street." You know what I mean? "Oh, when's your appointment?" "Uh, Tuesday, the corner of ... " You go, "Oh, the corner? Is that where the office is located?" "No, no. Like, meet me on the corner of Moffitt and Main."

Dean Saddoris: "By the crosswalk."

Danny Lehr: "By the crosswalk. In fact, we're actually going to do this in the gutter. Go ahead and lay down in the gutter there." "You want me to change?" "No, fully dressed. Just going to pop it down there."

Dean Saddoris: "You're good. Just watch out for that other syringe. That's not mine."

Danny Lehr: "That's not ... that's from the last guy."

Dean Saddoris: "That's not mine."

Danny Lehr: So then, he does that whole thing. Then, I don't remember anything else. Totally out of it. Just high as a kite on the morphine and something else. He gave me something else. I don't remember what it's called. Where it's like, you don't remember stuff. It's kind of scary.

Dean Saddoris: An amnesia.

Danny Lehr: It's like awake sedation. So that whole thing. Next thing I know they're like, "All right. Time to get off the table." I'm like, "Oh, all right." And so I just think this whole-

Dean Saddoris: How do they time the drug effectiveness?

Danny Lehr: I don't know. I don't know.

Dean Saddoris: Or do they give you some kind of counter drug?

Danny Lehr: Well when I first ... I don't know. But when I first got off the table, I was pretty wobbly though. I'll tell you that. Like, through the hallway, and even out to the car, things were pretty sketchy. Like, I could walk, but, like, you know, if you don't mind me bumping into stuff. You know what I mean? Like, kind of guided, walking along. So then I get home, and [inaudible 00:11:10] I've got to go.

Dean Saddoris: After you drove home.

Danny Lehr: So I drive. Jessica had some texts to send out, so I don't want her texting and driving.

Dean Saddoris: Well, she had to finish the Netflix video she was watching while you were in the operation.

Danny Lehr: She was actually pissed. I come out and she's like, "That was like 15 minutes." She brought a book to read. She got like two pages in. And she's like, "What the hell?" You know? "That's it?" So we get out there, I get home, I need the bathroom. So I don't know what's going on down there, what kind of bandaging. I have no idea. So I walk ... Aaron, have I told you this part?

Aaron: No.

Danny Lehr: Dude. So I go in the bathroom and pull my pants down to urinate. And I look down and there's just one sheet of gauze. It's like a 3x5 card, like, a sheet of gauze the size of a 3x5 card with a hole in it that my dick's sticking through. That's it. Like, literally they took like a-

Dean Saddoris: It's a dick bib.

Danny Lehr: Like a dick bib. It was a bib. It was a dick bib. It blew my ... I was just like, I just looked down and was like, "Huh." Right? And I'm still a little out of it, you know, whatever.

Dean Saddoris: [crosstalk 00:12:19] hallucination.

Danny Lehr: I'm not really sure what's going on there. It appears ... Whatever. But I don't really ... I'm like, "All right." And that's that. Lay back in bed. A couple hours later, get up to go to the bathroom again. And I'm like, "Well, this is silly." Like, what do I do? I don't want to dribble on this thing, and then it soak it up and I get urine all over my stitches. That's probably not good. Whatever.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, you don't want urine on your dick bib.

Danny Lehr: No. No, no, no.

Dean Saddoris: Never a good idea.

Danny Lehr: No. That's always ... That's an issue. Is what it is. Anyways, so I take it off. Anyway, I tell my wife, like, "Oh, yeah. I took the little piece of gauze off. I had a little piece of gauze, took it off, whatever." And she goes, "It says to leave the bandage on for the next day." I said, "Well, now here's the thing about that. One, I didn't know that. Second, does that really qualify as a bandage?" There's no adhesion anywhere. It was like, if you took a ... I mean, I described it a couple times pretty clear. But imagine a 3x5 card, like, that big, but of gauze material, and just a hole in the middle of it. It's like, "Okay, we'll just kind of put this right here."

Dean Saddoris: Almost like a single ply of toilet paper.

Danny Lehr: "Right through here." You know? And there you go.

Dean Saddoris: That works.

Danny Lehr: But I'll tell you what. It held it in place. Those stitches were covered by the gauze, so if there's any bleeding or whatever, like, it's stitches, like oozing right on the gauze. No big deal.

Dean Saddoris: Maybe Dr. Wiener should change his name to Dr. MacGyver.

Danny Lehr: [inaudible 00:13:39]. I don't think he used a single piece of adhesive in the entire thing.

Dean Saddoris: "Adhesive? What's that?"

Danny Lehr: "Doc, need some tape?" "Eh, nah. Nah."

Dean Saddoris: "We'll see. Let me try something first."

Danny Lehr: "Eh. That'll work."

Dean Saddoris: He probably just has little experiments with all his different clients to see, you know, "How could I save as much money possible on buying adhesive products around this office?"

Danny Lehr: Dude, I was cracking up. Then I was thinking, like, "Now, is this bad? Would I have been calmer, or would it have been worse if I was in this OR-type environment with nurses shaving my nuts and the whole nine?" And I realized, "No, this is actually exactly what you want." I was kind of nervous going into it, obviously. I've never gotten my sack cut open before by somebody. You know? And then immediately when he's just like, "Eh, I'll use a glove here. It works like a charm. Oh, yeah, that'll do." I was calmer. I was like, "This guy's done like thousands. He doesn't give a shit. He's done this a thousand times."

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, I would be more confident with a guy like that.

Danny Lehr: He's going through the motions.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah.

Danny Lehr: You know what I mean?

Dean Saddoris: It shows confidence.

Danny Lehr: Shows confidence, yeah.

Dean Saddoris: And experience.

Danny Lehr: Yeah. Dude. Anyways. Just a little story there.

Dean Saddoris: If he was just trembling with the regular kind of go-to ways, that would be a lot more alarming than just somebody being like, "Eh, this'll work. This'll work."

Danny Lehr: Man.

Dean Saddoris: That's great.

Danny Lehr: Yeah. So anyway, a little story there. And did I tell you, the best part about the office, other than the fact that I got a vasectomy and his name's Dr. Wiener, is there's a Magic 8-Ball. You know? Like, the old Magic 8-Balls you shake?

Dean Saddoris: Oh, yeah, a little fortune?

Danny Lehr: And on the top it says, "Do you need your insurance card?" I thought, "Okay. I kind of see something's going on here. Like, they rig it ... " Anyway. Roll it up, flip it over, thinking it's going to have a rigged dice in there. Nope. There's just a piece of paper taped to the bottom that says, "Yes."

Dean Saddoris: There wasn't even like a-

Danny Lehr: No. I shook it and everything. I grab it, I was like, "Oh, let's try it and see." I shake it up, I flip it over, and it was a taped piece of paper.

Dean Saddoris: Why?

Danny Lehr: It was funny. I laughed.

Dean Saddoris: It was funny, yeah.

Danny Lehr: I chuckled. I was like, "That's pretty good."

Dean Saddoris: That is good. Yeah, man. It probably got everybody to check it to have their insurance card ready.

Danny Lehr: Yeah, I guess so. I guess so.

Dean Saddoris: Great social experiment.

Danny Lehr: Dude. Last week we were talking about ... or the last couple weeks we talked about diet and nutrition, and we gave the nutrition advice, basically you just eat meat and vegetables, and cook them in healthy fats.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, not eat like an asshole.

Danny Lehr: Yeah, exactly.

Dean Saddoris: More often than eating good.

Danny Lehr: I also made the announcement, my wife announced that she's going to do lazy keto, which actually is not a thing. So she is actually doing ... Which she knows about diets. So she's doing real-

Dean Saddoris: This has nothing to do with her from an intelligence standpoint. It was just, that's why it made it so funny, because she is smart.

Danny Lehr: Yeah. Someone else called it that, and so she just called it that because other people were calling it that. And then I was like, "[inaudible 00:16:33]." Anyway. And I told her too, because she actually has been listening.

Dean Saddoris: Oh.

Danny Lehr: Oh yeah. So I was like, "Hey, by the way, I know you listen to a few of these."

Dean Saddoris: "We talk about lazy keto."

Danny Lehr: "We talk about lazy keto. I made fun of you for it." So anyway-

Dean Saddoris: More fun of the entire concept of it.

Danny Lehr: Just the concept of it.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. She just happened to say it.

Danny Lehr: Yeah, exactly. And she's like, "Well, other people call it that." And I said, "Yeah." So anyway, I decided, I'm doing it.

Dean Saddoris: Oh, so you're going to start doing lazy keto?

Danny Lehr: I'm doing, well, real keto.

Dean Saddoris: Oh. Yeah, you did this before?

Danny Lehr: I've done it before. I've done like six months in a shot. I've done it before. And I actually don't mind it. I function pretty well off it, because most of the time I eat relatively low-carb anyway. So it's just like, "All right. Let's get some more fats." And we always have meats and vegetables pretty much in the house anyways, so it's not a huge deal. Anyways, so I'm like, "Well, you know what? She's doing it. I might as well just do it. Why not?"

Dean Saddoris: So does keto, you can still have vegetables?

Danny Lehr: Oh, you can still have vegetables.

Dean Saddoris: Carbohydrates from vegetables?

Danny Lehr: Mm-hmm (affirmative). You've got to be careful though, like, you don't want to have-

Dean Saddoris: Not probably potatoes.

Danny Lehr: Right. You don't want potatoes. Then, you have to be kind of careful of some things. Like, for example, carrots. A little bit of carrot is fine. But if you just eat this big ass dish full of carrots-

Dean Saddoris: A lot of sugar in carrots too.

Danny Lehr: There's a lot of sugar in there, right. So if you have a few, whatever. Some here and there is fine, but you just don't want to eat a bunch of them. But most, like, you green vegetables, green leafy vegetables, that type of stuff, broccoli, that's all good.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, well, there it is.

Danny Lehr: So after talking shit on it for a couple episodes and saying how, you know, "Just eat meat and vegetables." And basically that's what I'm doing. I'm just cutting down on the-

Dean Saddoris: Well, we also kind of talked about it depends what your goals are. Your goals aren't to survive nine weightlifting sessions a week right now. So you can do keto.

Danny Lehr: It's just kind of like, "You know what? She's doing it, so I might as well just do it too." Basically, I would just eat whatever she cooks. But instead of just adding in extra carbs, why don't I just eat whatever she cooks? Then, just follow it the other meals of the day also. Just not worry about it. Roll with it.

Dean Saddoris: It probably wouldn't even be that hard, honestly.

Danny Lehr: No. It's really not that far from what I do already. But, the benefit of it, and this is actually-

Dean Saddoris: It's the junk food snacks that if you have around that makes it hard. But if they're not around ... The only thing I think that I would struggle with is I like to snack. And what have you got to do? You've got to make a whole meal from scratch to follow the diet if you want a snack?

Danny Lehr: Well, or you just find things you can snack on. Like, nuts are usually okay. But there is some carbs. You've got to be careful. Not too much. But if you know, like, "Oh, I'm good with half a cup of whatever," you could just eat those.

Dean Saddoris: So what is the carb limit to avoid ... to stay in ketosis?

Danny Lehr: Well, that's by person. But it's about, for most people, it's like 35 to 50.

Dean Saddoris: So you're allowed to have 35 to 50 a day?

Danny Lehr: Mm-hmm (affirmative). And some people will be like-

Dean Saddoris: That's actually a decent amount if you're not eating potato chips.

Danny Lehr: Some people track net carbs, which is carbs minus fiber. But I think that's like ... Now you're just tracking another thing. Instead of saying, like, "Oh, 30 net carbs, or 35 net carbs," I just go 50 overall, and you're good. But then I've done 50, but then after a while I've actually ... then I'm not in ketosis anymore. But if I drop down to 35, then I'm always solid.

Dean Saddoris: How do you check that?

Danny Lehr: I just track what I eat for a day or two. Oh, if I'm in ketosis?

Dean Saddoris: Yeah.

Danny Lehr: Well, they have the sticks you pee on, actually. But sometimes you can just tell. If you're used to doing it, you can feel it a little bit. And then also, this is kind of funny, but I actually noticed my urine smells different. Like after eating asparagus.

Dean Saddoris: So it always smells like that?

Danny Lehr: Well, yeah. I think so. But I don't notice it. It's like one time I'll go pee and I'll smell what ... because I've recognized it sometimes before. I'll be like, "Oh, I'm in ketosis. My piss smells like ketosis piss." Right? But then I might notice it for another couple times, another couple days. And then you just kind of don't notice it anymore. I think maybe it's not as strong once you get past that point, or you just kind of don't even notice. It's not something different, so you don't notice it.

Dean Saddoris: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Interesting.

Danny Lehr: You know what I mean? Yeah. So that's usually how I tell. But there's also the sticks too. So anyway.

Dean Saddoris: What, you just got to buy the sticks on Amazon or something?

Danny Lehr: Just buy them on Amazon. Or if your neighbor's a vet, a dairy vet, then they have them because they test the cows, because they don't want the cows to be in ketosis. Because then they're burning their own fat, which you don't want them to do, because you want to keep them fat.

Dean Saddoris: Because that's burning the flavor.

Danny Lehr: Burning the flavor. Or, if they're dairy cows, you want them to produce good milk, so you want to keep them burning carbs, not their own fat.

Dean Saddoris: Interesting.

Danny Lehr: Yeah. The more you know.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, that is cool.

Danny Lehr: Dude, so yeah. So keto town here we come.

Dean Saddoris: Keto town. Ketosis. Next stop ketosis.

Danny Lehr: Population two, me and my wife.

Dean Saddoris: Well, Maddie, she almost is in ketosis then.

Danny Lehr: No. Well-

Dean Saddoris: She still gets to eat her finger foods that she likes.

Danny Lehr: Yeah, pretty much.

Dean Saddoris: Fish sticks.

Danny Lehr: Fish sticks. I do call them fish dicks a lot of times.

Dean Saddoris: Just throw it fast? Just say it fast?

Danny Lehr: Oh yeah. Because she doesn't know anyway, and I think it's funny. So, like, "Oh, are you going to eat those fish dicks?"

Dean Saddoris: That South Park episode is so good.

Danny Lehr: Oh yeah. You can totally get away with it just all the time.

Dean Saddoris: Oh yeah, I love fish dicks.

Danny Lehr: Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, man.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. That's good. I'm kind of, I don't know, I'm not on necessarily a plan right now with nutrition. I'm just trying to eat as much as I can lately.

Danny Lehr: Right. Yeah. Getting it?

Dean Saddoris: I don't know. Yeah. As long as I'm getting enough right now. But I just need to go get a damn barbecue. Because I feel like I just hate cooking things in the oven. And I do a lot of pan on the stove top. I've got the skillet. I do skillet, or I'll do that. But I just prefer the taste of barbecue so much more.

Danny Lehr: Do you use propane, or you go charcoal?

Dean Saddoris: I go propane. But I had one that was a propane, but it was set up like a charcoal with a grill and everything. And I really liked that one, but it got all messed up. So I have to buy a new one. Ever I haven't bought a new one, I've been stopped, like, eating better. You know what I'm saying?

Danny Lehr: I did this classic thing that I think a lot of guys do. You get a house and you're like, "Oh, I'll get a barbecue." You go, "Dude, if I'm getting a barbecue, I'm doing the real deal. I'm getting a charcoal grill, because I want that charcoal taste."

Dean Saddoris: Oh, such a pain in the ass.

Danny Lehr: And you get it, and you do it. You use it for a couple years. And then something goes wrong. Whatever. You need a new barbecue. "Yeah, let's look at these propane options."

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, exactly.

Danny Lehr: That's what happens. You don't use it that much. Because you've got to deal with going out there, and starting it-

Dean Saddoris: [crosstalk 00:22:59] fire.

Danny Lehr: The whole nine.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, you've got to deal with keeping the flames at the right level.

Danny Lehr: Keep the flames at the right level.

Dean Saddoris: It's just too much. Does it taste better? Yeah, probably.

Danny Lehr: I don't know.

Dean Saddoris: Does it?

Danny Lehr: I don't know?

Dean Saddoris: Yeah.

Danny Lehr: Well, let me tell you. If you're cooking on charcoal, you say it does. You know what I mean? But when it really comes down to it-

Dean Saddoris: I'm not going out of my way to use this charcoal and not say it tastes better.

Danny Lehr: That's right. I've got a question. I actually need your advice, Dean. I want to know what would Dean Saddoris do? This morning I had that thought. "Man, I wonder what Dean would do in this situation." So I'm taking Taylor, my dog, taking him into the groomers. I walk in-

Dean Saddoris: For a nail trim, or a hair trim?

Danny Lehr: Both. Full boat.

Dean Saddoris: Double up.

Danny Lehr: Double up.

Dean Saddoris: The whole treatment?

Danny Lehr: The whole treatment. Right? I'm talking, they do the haircut, nails, anal glands.

Dean Saddoris: Oh, they squeeze the butthole?

Danny Lehr: They squeeze the anal gland. It's the full thing. Right? So I take him in there-

Dean Saddoris: Which is a weird thing.

Danny Lehr: Yeah, it's a weird thing that you have to do that. Like, what happens in the wild?

Dean Saddoris: It's because it's not a necessity, it's a privilege. It's not a necessity. Does it help them? Probably make them feel better? Probably. But obviously, that is a manmade problem.

Danny Lehr: If you know about dogs, like, if you're a vet, or just have dog knowledge about the whole anal ... Like, what happens in the wild? Maybe in the wild it's like-

Dean Saddoris: They scratch their butt on the ground.

Danny Lehr: They scratch their but on the ground, and so it doesn't get clogged up. You know what I mean?

Dean Saddoris: Honestly, we need to go to Australia, and we need to hang around a pack of stray dogs by the beach for a couple weeks, and just study and see what happens.

Danny Lehr: Email podcast@caffeineandkilos if you know the real answer to that. Yeah, stray dogs, or wolves.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. Maybe they just bite each other's buttholes.

Danny Lehr: They take care of each other's glands?

Dean Saddoris: Yeah.

Danny Lehr: Just squeeze it right into the-

Dean Saddoris: "Hey, Bill. Can you give me a gland squeeze?" "All right."

Danny Lehr: "All right, man."

Dean Saddoris: "You've got to do me next."

Danny Lehr: "All right. Yep. Line it up." It's like the dog version of the Human Centipede.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. But more for-

Danny Lehr: Gland.

Dean Saddoris: More for hygiene.

Danny Lehr: More for hygiene.

Dean Saddoris: Not for sick, twisted sex.

Danny Lehr: There's not some sick, twisted wolf.

Dean Saddoris: Scientific experiment.

Danny Lehr: It's not. Right. So I walk in there to get it done. I've got the dog. And right as I'm going in ... Now, the place opens at like 8:30, and it's like 8:25. A little early. I'm going in, and this guy's leaving right before me. So the door's kind of still open, so I walk in, and no one's behind the counter. Now, I know technically you're not supposed to go until 8:30. It's like 8:25, 8:27. So I'm like, "Okay, they're probably cleaning up in back, getting ready. Getting ready for the day." So I just kind of stand there, patiently waiting, thinking someone's bound to come up any minute, because people have appointments at 8:30, right? No one's coming back. Next thing I know, it's been like two, three minutes. Which, when you're just standing there waiting-

Dean Saddoris: It's a long time.

Danny Lehr: That's a long time to just kind of stand there now knowing-

Dean Saddoris: No acknowledgment that you're even there.

Danny Lehr: No acknowledgement. Right. Exactly. And I hear someone doing stuff in back. Like, they're obviously working. So I'm like, "Okay, so what do I do? Do I just kind of make some racket? Do I holler? Just like, "Hey, is somebody back there? Hey, order up."?"

Dean Saddoris: At this point is it past 8:30?

Danny Lehr: It's like 8:29. [inaudible 00:26:12]. So that's the thing too. I'm like, "Do I wait until 8:30?" You know, whatever. "I'm kind of tired of standing here." Or, I look back at the door and I notice that I think there's a little bell on it, or a little thing up top that didn't sound because the guy, you know, like, I came in, the door was open when I went in there, and so there was no movement of that thing. So do I go back, open and close the door. And I could even kind of close it kind of hard so they hear it. Right? Because then I get the noise thing, and the door chime, assuming there's a chime in back. I'm guessing that when you open it it makes a little noise in back, because I see a little thing on top.

So do I say, "Anybody here?" Or, because what do you say? Say you want to holler to get someone's attention, what do you, "Anybody here?" Well, I know someone's there. I can fucking hear them. Do I say, like, "You've got a customer." And then you feel like a dick.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, no. I would honestly, I would probably ... I wouldn't go to the door. I wouldn't yell in the back. But I would like, A, like start talking to my dog.

Danny Lehr: My some racket?

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, make some racket. Like, maybe move some stuff around. Maybe kind of walk. Maybe if there's some way they could see me in another part of the store, kind of go look around like I'm looking for somebody, even though I know where they're at. Or, like, start talking to Phil, you know, the dog. Be like, "No, don't grab that." Or you know, kind of make it-

Danny Lehr: Make some shit up?

Dean Saddoris: Yeah.

Danny Lehr: Phil's so confused. He did nothing wrong. [crosstalk 00:27:31].

Dean Saddoris: "What the fuck are you talking about? I didn't do shit." You know, like, something like that. Or, maybe like pinch him so he squeals. Just kidding about that part. But I'd probably make some kind of racket. I would go with, what is that, option B? Make some racket.

Danny Lehr: So my initial thought, I was looking at the counter. I was like, "Why is there not a bell on this-"

Dean Saddoris: Just start going like this, "Yee! Yee!"

Danny Lehr: That's option D. I didn't even think ... See, that would have been the key.

Dean Saddoris: It's a curve ball. "I don't know. I don't even know what the hell that was. Anyways, I'm here for my 8:30 appointment."

Danny Lehr: "Did you hear that? Jeez. What was that noise?"

Dean Saddoris: "I told him, "It's not even 8:30 yet." And he just ran out."

Danny Lehr: "What time is your appointment after all?" You know? So it was this weird thing. I'm like, "Man, I don't know what to do." So I thought, I was like, "You know what?" Like, maybe make some noise. I kind of tried, but I wasn't saying anything. Just kind of like, stomp my feet a little. You know what I mean? Then, I wasn't really sure what to do. So I'm like, well, walking over and doing the whole door thing, what if they already kind of saw I'm in here? Well, I would really, honestly, I would like to just, in these situations it feels weird to say something to them, but that's probably the best thing to do. Just be like, "Hey, excuse me." Like, what's wrong with that? That wouldn't upset them.

Dean Saddoris: You could even make up a question, like, "Is this the right area for the grooming?"

Danny Lehr: Or just be like, "Excuse me. Do I need to wait outside until it's 8:30, or is now okay?" You know? Like, something like that. But I'm just like, "Ah." I actually just realized, "Excuse me" would have been the thing to say. But I was like, "But I don't want to say it. I don't want to say, "Is anyone back there?" Kind of thing."

Dean Saddoris: It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing.

Danny Lehr: Yeah. So you know what I did? I just went the most cowardly way possible.

Dean Saddoris: You just stood there?

Danny Lehr: Well, for about three minutes. But I got tired of that. It's like a little plot twist in here. I walk over to the door and I see, "Oh, there definitely is a thing." So I walk back there, open the door, close the door. Right? Then, I'm walking up back to the front, and I hear someone then coming back now. And she walks back. She says, "Oh, yeah. Oh, thanks." You know? And then she says this, and threw me off a little, she goes, "Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I didn't see you there." And I go, "Oh, yeah. No problem. You know, [inaudible 00:29:36]." And I'm walking out, and it hits me: "Sorry about that. Didn't see you there."

Dean Saddoris: So she knew that you went and rechimed?

Danny Lehr: Well, fuck. Obviously. Or she knew I was there but was like, "I've just got to finish washing this thing out until [inaudible 00:29:53]. Whatever."

Dean Saddoris: It's a confusing statement.

Danny Lehr: What does that mean?

Dean Saddoris: "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

Danny Lehr: But I just did the door thing like less than 10 seconds earlier, so that means she knows I was there before that. So why wouldn't she just come out-

Dean Saddoris: Maybe she heard you come in, but she didn't know that you were waiting at the counter.

Danny Lehr: Yeah. Maybe she thought I was ... Yeah, I don't know.

Dean Saddoris: Maybe she thought you were there for something else, and you weren't ... Maybe she meant, like-

Danny Lehr: No, that's the only thing they do there.

Dean Saddoris: Oh, okay. So it's not like Petco where you can do both?

Danny Lehr: No, no. This is like all-

Dean Saddoris: Because I take Phil to Petco where they do that and there's the regular store.

Danny Lehr: No, this is just dog grooming. That's it.

Dean Saddoris: Oh, okay. So then it doesn't make sense.

Danny Lehr: Isn't that an interesting statement?

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. It's hard to assume. Maybe she meant, like, "Oh, I didn't see you standing right there." Maybe you went to another part of the store? Is there anywhere else you could have walked?

Danny Lehr: No. It's like walking into a foyer.

Dean Saddoris: Hmm.

Danny Lehr: I'm going to assume that she knew I was there the whole damn time, and was just trying to get something done real quick. Then, when she heard the door thing she was like, "Oh, man. I better fucking get out there."

Dean Saddoris: She fumbled what she should have said. She should have something else. But she didn't realize what she said kind of gave up the fact that she knew you were there.

Danny Lehr: Gave it up. She should have just been like, "Oh, hey. Sorry about the delay. You know what I mean? I was just kind of getting some stuff done before 8:30." If she would have said that, "Oh, no problem. Don't even worry about it."

Dean Saddoris: Or just said. Excuse me. Or just said-

Danny Lehr: She could have just burped at me?

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. Or she should have just said, "Hey, sorry about the wait. How may I help you?"

Danny Lehr: Something like that. Yeah. Anyway, I thought that was interesting.

Dean Saddoris: That is interesting.

Danny Lehr: And I thought you would think that's interesting.

Dean Saddoris: No, it is. And I think that I would have went for the sound maker. I wouldn't have done the chime. I don't even know if I would have thought about the chime.

Danny Lehr: Aaron, what would you have done?

Aaron: Like I always do. I cough really loud.

Danny Lehr: Cough.

Aaron: Yeah, I do the whole cough thing. Yeah.

Danny Lehr: I feel like people-

Dean Saddoris: If you're good at it and you can make it sound legit.

Danny Lehr: I think that most the time if someone does that you're like, "Oh, this dude's fake coughing now." That's kind of like ... Is that like the [inaudible 00:31:40]? Like, to get someone ... I don't know.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. That one's tough.

Danny Lehr: That's an interesting move. I don't know if anybody else finds that interesting.

Dean Saddoris: No, it was. Yes, it is. Because it's a situation that everybody goes through at some point. That's going to happen to everybody.

Danny Lehr: Yeah. There's a million ways [crosstalk 00:32:01]-

Dean Saddoris: It's a very Seinfeld-esque situation.

Danny Lehr: I'm sitting there like, "What the fuck. What do I do?" Man, it's already been 30 minutes and I feel like we haven't talked about anything.

Dean Saddoris: Time flies when you're having fun.

Danny Lehr: Oh, we should talk about this. People listening have no idea what I'm holding up here. But there's, you know, we talk about Alexa. This is actually a technology podcast, and people don't even know it. We talk about Alexa all the time.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, tech podcast.

Danny Lehr: Tech podcast. So here on Gas Station Techuccino-

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, Tech Talk.

Danny Lehr: Gas Station Tech Talk. We're going to launch that right after [inaudible 00:32:37] Nation. What I'm holding appears to just be a water bottle. But would you describe this water bottle a little bit? Does something stand out about it?

Dean Saddoris: It is a smart bottle.

Danny Lehr: Smart bottle. And you know this because on the side it says Smart Lid.

Dean Saddoris: Thermos brand Smart Lid.

Danny Lehr: So this ... and they did not ... This is a gift, actually. It's a gift.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, a gift for ... I got one as well.

Danny Lehr: Christmas.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, it was a Christmas gift. We each got one.

Danny Lehr: Yeah. [inaudible 00:33:05].

Dean Saddoris: Because we always have a thing here about how, us not drinking enough water.

Danny Lehr: Yeah. So here's the thing. It looks like a straw going down in there, but it's not a straw. It's actually some sort of a measuring stick.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, and temperature measuring. Actually measures ... Yeah, so it is a measuring stick, of all things.

Danny Lehr: So this is the most ... At first I opened it and I was like, "Oh, that's kind of fun. Kind of kitschy. Like, a little ridiculous, but whatever." So you plug, you've got to charge your water bottle, or charge the lid anyway.

Dean Saddoris: Micro USB.

Danny Lehr: Micro USB, seems crazy. Then, you download an app on your phone, because everyone needs another app. Then, it hooks up to your app via Bluetooth, and it logs how much water you drink.

Dean Saddoris: Okay, yes. Plus the temperature of the water.

Danny Lehr: It tells you the temperature of the water.

Dean Saddoris: When you take your sips, the time of day.

Danny Lehr: Oh, it tracks that? You just look at your log?

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. Logs all your sips.

Danny Lehr: And then once a week it clears your log, I think.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. It tracks your log. It also tells you how long it took you to finish the entire bottle.

Danny Lehr: Oh, I've been dragging on this one.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. It keeps track of that. It also tells you, there's a little image, basically it shows you where your water level is.

Danny Lehr: It shows the water level. It does, yeah.

Dean Saddoris: Which goes down.

Danny Lehr: I had it like tree quarters full, it showed three quarters. I took a drink, put it down with my app open, and it, "bink", it moved it down almost immediately.

Dean Saddoris: Mm-hmm (affirmative). It actually also can tell you your location of where you drank it.

Danny Lehr: Really?

Dean Saddoris: Yeah.

Danny Lehr: That's interesting.

Dean Saddoris: That might be good for the last time ... say you left it somewhere. Like, "Oh, where did I drink on this last?"

Danny Lehr: Oh shit. That's actually a really good point.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah.

Danny Lehr: So at first, like, this is totally unnecessary, but whatever. I'll use it. Maybe it's kind of fun.

Dean Saddoris: There's a lot more unnecessary things. And, you know what it is-

Danny Lehr: Oh, you know what else the app does? Is it tells you the battery level of your fucking water bottle that you now have to charge.

Dean Saddoris: Actually, also, we forgot to mention the fact that you customize it to your body type of your age, your work activity, your weight, your height.

Danny Lehr: And it tells you how much water you should, like, their suggestion.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. It gives you a range on how much you should be consuming based off of your activity level, and your age, and your-

Danny Lehr: How many ounces does it give you?

Dean Saddoris: It gave me 211.

Danny Lehr: It only gave me 150, but you work out a lot more than I do right now. You train more.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. And I think I might have done ... I did a four out of five on the scale, but-

Danny Lehr: For activity level?

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. But what I'm doing necessarily-

Danny Lehr: You also said that you're 250 pounds and 6'7"?

Dean Saddoris: No. Yeah, no. I think it's because I did ... I didn't necessarily take it as ... it's not really cardio, so I'm not really sweating and profusing a lot of liquids. Profusing? Profusing? Anyways. I'm not expelling a lot of liquids. I mean, I am, but I'm not. Not compared to most people.

Danny Lehr: Yeah, yeah. I got you.

Dean Saddoris: Maybe in the summertime I might actually probably do 211. But anyways, it just gives me a range. I know if I'm getting close to that, I've had plenty.

Danny Lehr: Now, here's the thing though. So then can I only drink out ... Like, I get home, I want a glass of water with dinner, I've got to use the bottle.

Dean Saddoris: Or you just kind of just add that into your ... This is more just kind of a general idea for most of your drinking water.

Danny Lehr: So if I'm within 20, 30 ounces, and I know I drank an additional couple glasses of water, you're getting pretty close.

Dean Saddoris: Proven fact that room temperature water hydrates you faster than cold water.

Danny Lehr: Oh really?

Dean Saddoris: So this would also be a good gauge to know when you should start even drinking it. Say it had come out of a cold source, "Okay, I'm going to let this cool down to," let's say, I don't know the exact temperature, but let's say 65 degrees is the ideal drinking water temperature. You just wait for it to heat up.

Danny Lehr: Or if you've got sensitive teeth. What if you're whitening and your teeth are all sensitive? You could know, "Hey, this thing's 55. I'm good to go. If it's under 55, whew." You know?

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. So, I mean, it has its uses for some people. And if you don't like it, don't buy it.

Danny Lehr: Yeah. There you go.

Dean Saddoris: Simple as that.

Danny Lehr: What else? I want someone to tell me, like, what else is there out there. "Is there out there." What else is there that has some sort of a smart-based thing or app-based thing which you once thought there was no possible use for some sort of a smart system, but then now that you use it, you're glad you have it? There's got to be other stuff like this.

Dean Saddoris: Got to be.

Danny Lehr: So if you know what that is, email us: podcast@caffeineandkilos. Twitter poll. Should we tell them the results of Twitter poll?

Dean Saddoris: Yes. For Episode 9-

Danny Lehr: Episode 9. Next episode.

Dean Saddoris: It's, we have to both each shotgun two FitAIDs each.

Danny Lehr: Two FitAIDs each?

Dean Saddoris: So four FitAIDs total we have to shotgun.

Danny Lehr: Oh, that's going to put me out of ketosis.

Dean Saddoris: Oh.

Danny Lehr: Oh, that's all right. The next day I'll be back in.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. Maybe we'll just do one then so it's not as harsh. We'll each do one.

Danny Lehr: Or, you know what I'll just do is I'll just do two and then I'll go purge.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah, there's that. Maybe you'll just throw up from the shotgun. But then, also, we have to split a can of sardines.

Danny Lehr: Now that I'm actually really excited about.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah.

Danny Lehr: See, people don't know. They voted for that. What they don't know is that we actually like sardines.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. We'll go-

Danny Lehr: Sometimes-

Dean Saddoris: We'll try and find a weird one, like some kind of flavored one I haven't had before.

Danny Lehr: You know what's really good, is actually the marinara sauce one.

Dean Saddoris: See, I don't know if I've had ... No, I have, because I think I've had some that you've brought in.

Danny Lehr: Oh, I eat the marinara sauce.

Dean Saddoris: See, I like the mustard ones. Have you had mustard?

Danny Lehr: No.

Dean Saddoris: We'll try those then.

Danny Lehr: Mustard are good?

Dean Saddoris: Yeah.

Danny Lehr: And there's a classic olive oil.

Dean Saddoris: Yeah. And then there's, I've seen hot sauce ones, barbecue sauce.

Danny Lehr: Actually, sardines I haven't had in a while. I used to get them a lot last time I was on keto diet, because they're great for keto diet, because it's just protein and fat.

Dean Saddoris: There should be some in the cupboard here.

Danny Lehr: If you get the olive oil one, it has the olive oil in there. Oh, I don't know if there's sardines in the cupboard, but there are anchovies. And Vegemite.

Dean Saddoris: Not the ones in the clear ... I'm talking about there's actual cans.

Danny Lehr: Oh, really?

Dean Saddoris: Yeah.

Danny Lehr: There it is. Maybe next Twitter poll, spoonful of Vegemite.

Dean Saddoris: Oh. We'll put it on there.

Danny Lehr: There it is. All right. This has been an episode of Gas Station Cappuccino. Thank you guys for listening. Oh-


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