Danny Lehr: Welcome to Gas Station Cappuccino by Caffeine and Kilos. I am Danny Lehr. Dean Saddoris on my right. Always on the right.
Dean Saddoris: We were just talking about "Always Sunny in Philadelphia."
Danny Lehr: Best show that's ever been on television.
Dean Saddoris: Great show. Great show. Actually-
Danny Lehr: Well, maybe not best.
Dean Saddoris: Well, it's up there. It's for best comedies.
Danny Lehr: Best comedies.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah, live action comedy.
Danny Lehr: Seinfeld. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Dean Saddoris: Side note, Seinfeld, Jerry is ...
Danny Lehr: Have you watched Jerry [inaudible 00:00:27]?
Dean Saddoris: Jerry has announced that there is not ... it's not impossible for them to make a revival of Seinfeld.
Danny Lehr: Oh. Have you watched any of his new show?
Dean Saddoris: The Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee?
Danny Lehr: Yeah.
Dean Saddoris: I watched the Howard Stern one and I watched the Will Ferrell one and they were both fantastic.
Danny Lehr: Wait. I need you, one more time for me, say the first one you watched.
Dean Saddoris: The Howard Stern one.
Danny Lehr: All right. I just wanted to play the sound board, really.
Dean Saddoris: But yeah, no, my buddy, actually, my friend Matt Aiken, different Matt Aiken than the one you know. But his cousin is an actor in Hollywood and she was on, I think the most latest season of Always Sunny in Philadelphia as Dennis' girlfriend.
Danny Lehr: That can't be right.
Dean Saddoris: It's fact. Dead fact. I'm not making that up.
Danny Lehr: Yeah.
Dean Saddoris: She's been in a lot of stuff. She's been on some other shows on a HBO series'. But yeah, she ended up getting casted as Dennis' girlfriend in the last season.
Danny Lehr: That's great.
Dean Saddoris: And he said he can't watch the show anymore.
Danny Lehr: Right. It ruined it for him.
Dean Saddoris: It ruined it for him. It's like his favorite show. It's a true story.
Danny Lehr: Yeah. You know what else I wanna watch, speaking of the Comedians in Cars with Seinfeld, I actually really want to watch the David Letterman one, the new David Letterman show.
Dean Saddoris: I haven't seen it.
Danny Lehr: So it's a Netflix original, but he's sitting down, like talk show style, except for it's like the, I forget what it's called now. Anyway, but basically, he's in a chair, another guy's in a chair and they just ... They talk, whatever. He interviews them. But I love David Letterman. He was my favorite night show guy.
Dean Saddoris: He was good. 'Cause he kept it real.
Danny Lehr: He kept it real.
Dean Saddoris: There was no corporate ... Like, it was corporate, but it didn't feel like it.
Danny Lehr: It was no Jimmy Fallon.
Dean Saddoris: Fake laughs and ad libs.
Danny Lehr: And people loved Jimmy Fallon, but here's the thing is like, he's the same guy who was the host of the Man Show for 10 years but then now is coming out and is bashing people. I don't know, it's just-
Dean Saddoris: No, I 100% agree. Especially exploiting ... like, he was the definition of exploiting women and that kind of stuff.
Danny Lehr: They have women jumping on trampolines as part of the exit, the outro, every single episode. And now it's like, all PC, oh my god, why did you ... Did you just refer to her as an actress instead of an actor?
Dean Saddoris: I did.
Danny Lehr: You misogynistic son of a bitch.
Dean Saddoris: I did.
Danny Lehr: But that's the thing, like ... And this coming from the same guy who ran the Man Show.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah, I know. I hear you. You know what? Everybody just tends to either not even know about that or forgets about it because they kind of bury it. They don't really talk about it. So people will just ... As time goes on, people forget that the Man Show was even a thing. You try and make the Man Show in 2018, you'll be shunned and imprisoned.
Danny Lehr: Yeah.
Dean Saddoris: That show was completely ... Looking back at it now, you're like, "How the hell was that even a thing?"
Danny Lehr: It was hilarious, though.
Dean Saddoris: But it was funny, yeah, for sure. [crosstalk 00:03:21] There was other stuff on there that was funny.
Danny Lehr: It's like the movie, "Blazing Saddles".
Dean Saddoris: Yeah. You can't remake that now.
Danny Lehr: No. Fantastic. You know what I mean? But you can't-
Dean Saddoris: It doesn't hold up well-
Danny Lehr: It doesn't hold up well.
Dean Saddoris: ... with today's humor.
Danny Lehr: Exactly. So, Dean-o, I feel like I got notes on my phone here so I'm trying to pull them up.
Dean Saddoris: Okay.
Danny Lehr: A few things, a few things. So [Maddie 00:03:50], I talked about my five-year-old Maddie, she's had a birthday party. Dean, I don't think I had an opportunity to tell you about the pinata experience, did I?
Dean Saddoris: No.
Danny Lehr: So it was a unicorn themed party, which you'd think since it's her five-year-old birthday party, although nowadays, unicorns are popular among all age groups. It's one of those things right now, like an in thing. [crosstalk 00:04:10]
Dean Saddoris: It's a very bit crossfit thing. Always has been.
Danny Lehr: So anyway, it was actually appropriate that she wanted a theme because again, she was turning five. So Jess bought a pinata. And so we get this thing, it's not very big. It' just a little bigger than Phil. This thing ... It's not a very ... Phil's the chihuahua dog. It's maybe twice his size. It only holds two pounds of candy. Think of it like that. That's not a lot of candy, two pounds, right?
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: ... in the bottom of this thing. So, we get this pinata stuffed. It's got a little hook to hang it from, from the back, from the scruff of the neck type area. I hang up it up. And these kids are five. So they swing bat like shit. They're obviously awful at swinging the bat. I mean just-
Dean Saddoris: This thing's probably not going to break.
Danny Lehr: Just fucking horrendous at swinging a bat. It's five year olds. It's embarrassing, to be honest.
Dean Saddoris: So there's no future-
Danny Lehr: No.
Dean Saddoris: ... Mark McGwires on this party?
Danny Lehr: No. Not, none, no. Not at all.
Dean Saddoris: Okay.
Danny Lehr: With our without the [inaudible 00:05:00]. Someone's like, "Hey, they're five." It's like, "Yeah, exactly. They're five. They swing a bat like shit." I'm not saying that's not okay. I'm just calling it how you see it, you know what I mean?
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: So, they got out there and first couple swings, and next thing you know ... No blindfolds on the first kids, because these ones are like, three. You know, the younger brothers. Anyway, swing up there. Couple little whacks, and all of a sudden, something happens. Body, right off. The body of the unicorn fucking disconnects. Boom. Hits the deck. Now I'm holding the rope and there's this unicorn head hanging from it.
Dean Saddoris: So, one hit?
Danny Lehr: Well, it was like two or three hits maybe. So the two pounds of candies thing, it says that was two pounds but I fucking shoved it. I think, like three four in there, maybe that's part of problem. The point is-
Dean Saddoris: It was too heavy.
Danny Lehr: ... just completely ripped the head off the thing. So it's not like funny enough, then it's like this unicorn party and you have a pinata that's [inaudible 00:05:56] it's 'cause they'd be hitting this unicorn with a bat, like that's funny enough.
Dean Saddoris: You celebrate unicorns by killing one.
Danny Lehr: By beating it, right? But then the body rips off the thing. Now it's just this fucking head hanging by the rope, so I'm just like standing there holding this rope and there just is this head hanging and the body on the ground. You know what the kid does?
Dean Saddoris: Fucks it in the head.
Danny Lehr: Fucking it and starts beating the shit out of the body.
Dean Saddoris: On the ground?
Danny Lehr: Just turns on it. Starts giving it to him.
Dean Saddoris: Jesus.
Danny Lehr: Baf! Baf! Just lighting him up.
Dean Saddoris: Oh, man.
Danny Lehr: Right? And I was like, 'Oh God. Well that's aggressive.' But what do you do? Right? And then, "Okay, that's enough. Next kid up." And I'm sitting there like ... and this is like the second kid --
Dean Saddoris: So you're not gonna tie the body back to the rope?
Danny Lehr: Well, you know, we figured that out later ... So, first it was like six, no, no, there was like 10 kids in this line, next kid up, I'm like, 'Fuck, what do I do?' I don't know how, 'cause it had this little hook thing that was on there, so I gave the kid the bat, and before anything, it was a chance to tie it up, this kid just taking it to the carcass.
Dean Saddoris: On the ground.
Danny Lehr: On the ground. And you know what's funny? These five-year-olds, they don't think anything of it. They're having a good old time. It doesn't register that it's kind of weird and a little creepy just beating the shit out of this like unicorn carcass on the ground, and it's beheaded, there's just a head hanging above 'em, right?
Dean Saddoris: Was there any candy in the head?
Danny Lehr: No. It's all in the body. And so, I was looking at the other parents and they were just laughing. Like no, 'cause what do you do, right? So then after that kid's done, I stop. I gotta hang this thing back up.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: And you can't have-
Dean Saddoris: Just like the civil.
Danny Lehr: ... can't have a line of kids --
Dean Saddoris: Let's beat this carcass, like --
Danny Lehr: It's what I said.
Dean Saddoris: ... on a rope.
Danny Lehr: A whole new meaning to beat a dead horse, right?
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: So, whatever next kid up. So I make a hole in the back of this thing, string it up there, get it going, that is bust right through, so then he's beating it on the floor. It was like straight line, there're like curb stomping ... It was like turned into like a gang initiation.
Dean Saddoris: Jesus. Poor unicorn.
Danny Lehr: Fucking aggressive. So then I finally get it to hang up there, I make a hole in it's butt, where its butt is right the back. I'm able to string it through the middle of its back straight through it's anus, and now we've really come full circle. And, anyway, eventually it rips open. But, dude, nothing better than watching these kids just beat this carcass on the ground.
Dean Saddoris: Was the candy damaged in this process?
Danny Lehr: It's unclear.
Dean Saddoris: What kind of candy --
Danny Lehr: One kid --
Dean Saddoris: -- What kind of candy did you get for it?
Danny Lehr: We rookies ... we didn't have bags to hand out to 'em to put the candy in. One kid grabs the head and fills the head with candy, he's carrying around this fucking unicorn head filled with candy the rest of the day.
Dean Saddoris: That kid is resourceful.
Danny Lehr: Holy shit.
Dean Saddoris: That is ... What is this? Like Godfather?
Danny Lehr: Isn't that wild?
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: Dude ... Anyway. It's pretty funny, one of those they where it's like, I know it's like-
Dean Saddoris: That's hilarious.
Danny Lehr: I know it's like your kid's [inaudible 00:08:38] but this was like [crosstalk 00:08:40].
Dean Saddoris: What color was the unicorn? Was it white?
Danny Lehr: Dude it was unicorn colors.
Dean Saddoris: Was it like pink, though? Purple, white?
Danny Lehr: Pink, baby blue and white.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: My daughter actually refers to it as "unicorn color". Like she'll color things pink and blue --
Dean Saddoris: Oh, unicorn.
Danny Lehr: And she'll be like "Oh this [inaudible 00:08:51] ... yeah, yeah, unicorn colors."
Dean Saddoris: Oh, yeah, so.
Danny Lehr: Yeah so I thought that was ... I thought you'd like that.
Dean Saddoris: That is hilarious.
Danny Lehr: Yeah.
Dean Saddoris: The best part was that kid walking around with that head full of candy all day eating out of it like --
Danny Lehr: Dude.
Dean Saddoris: -- Like a fucking --
Danny Lehr: Savage.
Dean Saddoris: -- Halloween bag.
Danny Lehr: Yeah. It was like back in the day when Halloween first started and kids, when they would go trick-or-treating door-to-door they would actually carry around the skulls of their enemies to fill with candy.
Dean Saddoris: Is that true?
Danny Lehr: Oh yeah.
Dean Saddoris: I didn't know that.
Danny Lehr: Well I just made it up.
Dean Saddoris: Oh. Okay. The skulls of their enemies. The other children in the playground that they slaughtered.
Danny Lehr: That's right.
Dean Saddoris: Would they go to the house of the parents'?
Danny Lehr: Yeah well that where they start.
Dean Saddoris: Showcase ...
Danny Lehr: Well they go their last once they have it full of candy to show them.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: You know what I mean? You know, ruin the parent. Because if they go to the parents' house first the parents are done handing out candy --
Dean Saddoris: Well you know --
Danny Lehr: -- And you don't want that.
Dean Saddoris: Speaking of Halloween ... 2018 I think we need to bring back the "trick" in "trick-or-treat". 2018.
Danny Lehr: Oh yeah.
Dean Saddoris: We need to bring back the "trick" because the "trick" is gone.
Danny Lehr: It's just "treat".
Dean Saddoris: It's just "treat" now. So as far ... Even when I was a kid growing up there was just "treat", there was no "trick". We would just go "trick" the next day. Just 'cause we just tricked people all the time.
Danny Lehr: Well a lot of doorbell ditching. Let me help you out. I'm in. So I'm just not going to buy candy. Kids answer, they go "Trick-or-treat?"
I'm saying "Trick. There ain't no treats here."
Dean Saddoris: Let's see it.
Danny Lehr: "Now, I don't know if you know this or not but this house follows a ketogenic diet. So there is no treats."
Dean Saddoris: Is Maddie on the Keto Diet?
Danny Lehr: No. The kids are on the opposite. They're on the "No Meat Diet."
Dean Saddoris: They're on the ... yeah.
Danny Lehr: Carb life.
Dean Saddoris: What can we get these kids to eat.
Danny Lehr: Carb life. It's like ... you find yourself doing this, "[Madeline 00:10:34], if you do not take another bite of that corn dog, then you're not done eating yet."
Dean Saddoris: God, I love corn dogs.
Danny Lehr: It's confusing that they don't just eat it.
Dean Saddoris: Why are corn dogs so good?
Danny Lehr: You find yourself like "No, Maddie. Once you take another bite of that pizza ..." 'Cause at least it's got cheese on it. You're trying to get some sort of protein. Yeah, dude.
Let me tell you something else that's been going on in my life. Okay, is actually on a tip from Jay, our buddy Jay [Frusia 00:11:05] right over there at Radio Pop House.
Dean Saddoris: Jay Money.
Danny Lehr: I was listening to one of his podcasts. He was talking about his general health stuff. Make sure you drink enough water. Make sure you sleep. It's like low-hanging fruit. Like everyone talks like "Oh, this is my year" type thing? I think it was his beginning-of-the-year episode.
Anyways, like hey look there's some simple things you can do like don't over complicate it, do you know what I mean? Like make sure ... like sleep. Like sleep more than seven hours a night. Make sure you drink plenty of water. Exercise a couple days a week. Get your 10,000 steps in. And then when he said "Get in your 10,00 steps" he mentioned ... He's like "You don't have to have a fucking Fitbit, whatever. Your cellphone on the health app in your cell phone it keeps track of how many steps you're taking."
Dean Saddoris: Oh it does?
Danny Lehr: Yeah, it's a little white screen, got a heart in it, open it up, it tells you how many steps. It tracks that shit from as long as you've had that phone.
Dean Saddoris: Well you learn something new every day.
Danny Lehr: And he's like "Now, whatever, if you're some sort of renaissance man and you don't carry your phone all the time then you get one of those little watches or whatever."
Dean Saddoris: It's funny that that's considered "renaissance man".
Danny Lehr: Let's be honest. You've got your phone in your pocket all day.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: So, I'm like "10,000 steps? I wonder where I'm at." And so it as one of my daily goals, right in my little note. 10 ... 10,000 steps, right?
Well then, got home that evening, I opened it up to look and I was at 7K.
Dean Saddoris: Not even close.
Danny Lehr: 3,000 short. So you know what I did?
Dean Saddoris: You went for a walk.
Danny Lehr: No.
Dean Saddoris: Jogged in place.
Danny Lehr: I didn't want to go for a walk because I got home kind of late that --
Dean Saddoris: Do you have an Airdyne at home?
Danny Lehr: I do. That's not walking. That's not steps.
Dean Saddoris: Would that register on the phone?
Danny Lehr: I don't know.
Dean Saddoris: I would [inaudible 00:12:37] because your legs are going up and down.
Danny Lehr: Part of me thought about ... one of my initial ... Is that maybe I just take out my phone and fucking shake it.
Dean Saddoris: And?
Danny Lehr: That'd be cheating.
Dean Saddoris: But does it work?
Danny Lehr: I don't think so.
Dean Saddoris: I wonder if it goes by GPS or if it goes by motion.
Danny Lehr: I don't know.
Dean Saddoris: I would assume it goes by GPS because your phone is just constantly tracking where you are.
Danny Lehr: Yeah, it could be. Well I think it's a two-part thing. I think it's a motion and a travel thing. I don't really know.
Dean Saddoris: Because if you're in the car it could say you took a million steps.
Danny Lehr: Right, there's probably a speed thing. If you're going under a certain speed then it knows if it's walking or running. Because even sprinting you only go so fast, right? If you're going over a certain speed it knows your driving. I don't really know how the whole thing ... how it goes.
Dean Saddoris: You know what this is? It's an opportunity to ask the listeners.
Danny Lehr: If you know how the GPS tracker or the pedometer works in the cell phone or in the Fitbit, email us. Podcast@caffieneandkilos.com. Caffieneandkilos.com. All spelled out.
So here's the deal. I've got like 3,000 steps to get in but it was kind of late. I got home kind of late, I was like already past eight and so I didn't want to be like "All right, Jess. Hey, just got here I'm gonna be gone for another 20 minutes on a walk." So I started pacing in the living room like a fucking psycho.
And so Jessica and I are having a conversation. Just talking up, "How was your day?"
Dean Saddoris: Does she know you were doing this at the time?
Danny Lehr: Oh yeah, she knows.
Dean Saddoris: Okay.
Danny Lehr: She knows what's up.
Dean Saddoris: It would have been funnier if she didn't know what you were up to.
Danny Lehr: I'm like "Oh my god, fuck. I've got 30,00 steps. So I'm like "Oh, how's your day? How it going?" Whatever. In the meantime I'm just doing laps around the coffee table, right?
I check it out. All right, I was 1,000 down. 2,000 to go. Keep my laps coming.
Dean Saddoris: How many minutes did this take?
Danny Lehr: I found that about 10 minutes is about 1,000 steps if you're walking, like if you're moving.
Dean Saddoris: That's a long time to be pacing around the coffee table. Did you get dizzy?
Danny Lehr: I changed directions.
Dean Saddoris: Okay.
Danny Lehr: I know that doesn't really help not getting dizzy.
No, so, sometimes I go forward and backwards. Sometimes I'll go around the coffee table.
Anyway, next thing I know ... the point is I get all 3,000 steps in the living room.
The next day I'm like apparently ... and Jess is like laughing like whatever. So if you want to get 10,000 you've gotta go on a walk at some point.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: You're not ... whatever ... Depending on your job. When I was still teaching PE --
Dean Saddoris: Well yeah, if you were teaching PE still or you were coaching more classes you would get them in.
Danny Lehr: Yeah. And so anyway I'm like all right ... Another thing is in here I leave my phone on my desk, I don't keep it in my pocket here. But I mean really, that's gonna be a difference of a couple hundred steps. Not --
Dean Saddoris: You never know.
Danny Lehr: You never know.
Dean Saddoris: We do a lot of walking around here.
Danny Lehr: We do a lot of walking around in here, that's true.
Also, I don't know if ping-pong counts. One time I was playing Bud in ping-pong --
Dean Saddoris: I would assume it would.
Danny Lehr: -- Yeah because there's a lot of like stepping and moving side-to-side, it's an active sport.
Anyway, so next night. She's at work, and I'm like "Oh man, I've got to get these steps in." The same thing, I'm like 3,000 short, so I'm out in the backyard pacing ... 'cause now I'm not worried about ... I can't leave.
Dean Saddoris: Now your neighbors know you're nuts.
Danny Lehr: The kids are in bed. Jess is at work I'm in the backyard pace- ... So I thought all the neighbors probably think I picked up a meth habit.
Dean Saddoris: Just trying to walk it out.
Danny Lehr: It's like the look through their living room and they're like "This motherfucker...". I had 30, 40 minutes back there just pacing.
Dean Saddoris: You know, I'm really worried about ... I'm really worried about Danny. I've seen him pacing in the backyard for 35 minutes yesterday.
Danny Lehr: It's a --
Dean Saddoris: Mumbling to himself. You're like on the phone.
Danny Lehr: Last [crosstalk 00:15:39]. Last little bit of this is that I go on a walk. So well then Jess was home that night and I come in and I'm like "Hey look, I'm short. I'm just going to go on a walk. My steps."
She's like "All right."
So I go, and the neighbor's outside.
"Hey Mike, what's up?". Talking to neighbor Mike. I'm just walk- ... I'm like taking two steps forward, two steps back as he's talking. And I told him, I was like "Hey dude, I'm just gonna tell you what's up. I came out here to go on a walk. I'm trying to get 10,000 steps in, I'm like 2,000 short right now." Around my block is about 1,000. So I'm just going to hit around the block, whatever.
And he's like, "Oh yeah, dude. I understand. I try to get twelve in, whatever. Don't reach it most days". Which I thought, is that really a goal if you don't reach it?
Dean Saddoris: Is this a thing that everybody's doing?
Danny Lehr: It's a thing. You know there's this whole ... the whole Fitbit thing how everyone wears this little thing because there's a lot of studies and stuff that just basically show 10,000 steps a day is good for heart health and all that type of stuff.
Dean Saddoris: And it's obtainable.
Danny Lehr: It's obtainable. It turns out to be about five miles is what I've found. So 10,000 steps is about five miles for me. So, it's good to just kind of walk just throughout your day. You're just moving around anyway. It's a good thing to do, you know?
So anyway, he's like "Oh, I'm going crabbin' tomorrow." He's out there messing with some ropes.
And I was like "Oh yeah, I've got to walk" or whatever. I said "It's kind of weird with me walking back and forth."
He goes, "Dude, do your thing. I'm not worried about it." He goes, "I'll walk with you for the next hundred feet." Because he's trying to get his rope out, whatever.
Anyway, dude. So that's where I'm at. So I'm trying to get in in a little earlier in the day so I'm not stuck at the end of the day pacing my living room. But I thought you'd enjoy that, it's kind of funny.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah, that's good. Maybe I should ... It will give me a ... more incentive to take Phil for a couple more walks.
Danny Lehr: Yeah, and I'll tell you one thing, though, for damn sure, if I write down 10K on my list for that day it's gonna happen. Like I will not not accomplish that tasks on my list everyday, right?
So it's like, I gotta do it. That means I pace my living room. You'd think by now, it's been about a week, I've learned that I need to go on a noon walk or some shit, and it's about 50/50.
Dean Saddoris: If you were on a full training schedule, though, would you worry about the walking, still?
Danny Lehr: Yeah. So I actually ... Brandon [Lilly crosstalk 00:17:45] is doing some programming for me. I'm on the hardened athlete, that's a whole new deal.
Dean Saddoris: Oh wow. I didn't know about that.
Danny Lehr: Yeah, I just started. Yesterday was my first day.
Dean Saddoris: Nice. I had Brandon Lilly help me bump up from 77s to 85s.
Danny Lehr: Oh yeah, I remember that.
Dean Saddoris: And it worked.
Danny Lehr: Yeah.
Dean Saddoris: And I didn't feel gross about myself.
Danny Lehr: Dude, that triggered me on something, is that Buddy Hitchcock was talking this morning. He was actually a little upset because when we talked about the gaining weight we talked about the gallon of milk a day and how he's lactose, blow his ass out --
Dean Saddoris: Oh he listened?
Danny Lehr: -- if he drinks the milk. So he listened to it and he said "Hey, and I heard you like, you uh, mentioned that --"
"Oh did I say your name in that?"
He said, "Yeah, you said my name."
I was like "Oh."
And he goes, "Remember, I found out later, it wasn't the gallon of milk that was making me shit blood, it was all that popcorn I was eating."
Dean Saddoris: Well, now they know.
Danny Lehr: And --
Dean Saddoris: And the squatting.
Danny Lehr: And so I said ... yeah ... And so then when he said that, it did. I was like "Oh shit, that's right." But he is lactose intolerant, also true. But he found out that that was just what would cause him to blow his ass out but the actual blood part was from all the popcorn because he'd go home every night and he would make a bag of popcorn. He'd eat like ... He crushed two bags of popcorn all by himself.
Dean Saddoris: A night?
Danny Lehr: A night. And so all those kernels, you can't process that.
Dean Saddoris: And a gallon of milk?
Danny Lehr: And a gallon of milk. No wonder he's shitting blood.
Dean Saddoris: Jesus Christ.
Danny Lehr: And so, anyway I said "Oh, that's right. Well, tell you what..."
He goes, "What."
I go, "I've got to set the records straight."
Dean Saddoris: Yeah, well.
Danny Lehr: And he said "No you don't."
I said, "Well, I ... I kinda feel like I do."
Dean Saddoris: I don't know if I could physically eat two bags of popcorn.
Danny Lehr: No, I don't want to shit blood.
Dean Saddoris: All that aside, I don't know if I could put that down.
Danny Lehr: Do you need to put that aside? I feel like that's an interval part of the whole thing.
Dean Saddoris: I mean, I could probably go through a bag of that Chick Pop, though. 'Cause that shit's good.
Danny Lehr: Ahh...
Dean Saddoris: That's way more convenient, too. You don't even have to microwave it, it's just ready to go.
Danny Lehr: Ready to go. R-T-E?
Dean Saddoris: R-T-E ... R-T-G?
Danny Lehr: Oh, right, well "ready to go", I was thinking "ready to eat."
Dean Saddoris: Oh ready, okay.
Danny Lehr: Yeah.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: So, anyway, so, we set the record straight for buddy.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah, sorry, Buddy. Didn't mean to leave you short there.
Danny Lehr: Olympics just started.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah. It's very much been on. As soon as I get home I turn on 723 which is like the Olympic channel for Comcast, whatever. And whatever's on that's what's staying on the rest of the night.
Danny Lehr: You know I --
Dean Saddoris: It's just great. There's nothing better than background Olympic noise.
Danny Lehr: Yeah. I agree. You know what --
Dean Saddoris: Even if you're not super focused on it.
Danny Lehr: The one thing that irritates me, though, sometimes. Is like, you know I want to watch something but that's not what they're showing.
Dean Saddoris: Well yeah, that's why ... that's everything ... if you have Comcast everything's also available on "stream".
Danny Lehr: Oh yeah.
Dean Saddoris: So you can watch back any event that you missed or want to watch.
Danny Lehr: You can do it on the, like on the Roku too or Apple TV, you can do that. So a lot of times I'll turn on the Roku and first I'll just check like what's on NBC and what's on the Olympic network, just kind of see what's up because maybe one of those it what I want to watch.
But, I just want to watch speed skating.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah, I watched that last night or this morning, I can't remember.
Danny Lehr: Dude, this morning --
Dean Saddoris: I was up really early this morning.
Danny Lehr: The short track or the long track?
Dean Saddoris: Yeah. There was a 1500. So I think it was like four or five laps.
Danny Lehr: Oh the short track I think.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: The long track one ... Dude, I watching it the other night, okay, fucking blew my mind. Okay, a couple things is the skates. They talked about the different kinds of skates.
Dean Saddoris: I saw that. They had the hockey skate out, they had the ice skating skate out, and they had the race skate.
Danny Lehr: With the clap technology.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: Yeah.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: So, call that the "T-Pain technology."
Dean Saddoris: That was pretty cool. I saw that.
Danny Lehr: That a ... it's a "Waka Flocka technology."
Dean Saddoris: Actually, I had that on when they were going over them but I didn't actually like really watch what they were talking about. I think the volume was down or something.
Danny Lehr: Also, they're so much more narrow. So there's a cut issue. If someone falls and eats shit and their skates hit themselves or another skater then they could potentially kill them.
Dean Saddoris: Those things are razor-sharp.
Danny Lehr: It's like Happy Gilmore, the only hockey player who ever tried to take his skate off and stab an opponent with it.
Dean Saddoris: Well, I've seen a video, a long time ago, of a player running into a goalie, slitting his throat on the ice.
Danny Lehr: Face of death.
Dean Saddoris: No, he didn't die. But it was like --
Danny Lehr: Probably ruined his day.
Dean Saddoris: It was just instant just spray. It was horrifying. Horrifying video. I suggest you do not watch it.
Danny Lehr: So, interesting thing about that though for the Olympics is ... So with the speed skating they're mandated, they have to wear a cut-proof suit under their skin suit, under the speed suit.
Dean Saddoris: So is that new?
Danny Lehr: I don't know if that's a new thing.
Dean Saddoris: Does that slow them down?
Danny Lehr: I don't know that. But what I do ... Funny you said "slow them down", here's something else I learned about the speed skating. I'm watching it, and it's 5K.
Dean Saddoris: I saw that one, that ones long.
Danny Lehr: 5K.
Dean Saddoris: That's like three-and-a-half miles.
Danny Lehr: 3.2 miles. 5K. Do you remember how long ... how long does it take these dudes to skate 5,000 meters.
Dean Saddoris: You know, I don't remember.
Danny Lehr: Six minutes.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah, that's crazy. They were going fast.
Danny Lehr: 30 MPH.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: Around. Fucking nuts. For six minutes straight.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah, that's fast.
Danny Lehr: They must be exhausted.
Dean Saddoris: These people were probably really good squatters because their legs and butts are huge.
Danny Lehr: But their quads.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: I bet they front squat, great. Great quads.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah. Probably really good at sumo and front squats.
Danny Lehr: Yeah, dude. Six minutes. So then this is the craziest thing. They're talking about how like oh yeah you know, these things, it comes down to like split seconds, whatever, right? Final, pretty sure it's for the gold, they come and the guy comes from behind and boom, photo finish. "6:41.4 ..." actually I put it down here. "6:11.61, and 6:11.61!"
They skated 5,000 meters and the skate the exact same fucking time to the hundredth of a second.
Dean Saddoris: And that's the farthest it goes.
Danny Lehr: Then they go, "Okay, we're going to have to go to our backup timing system here which goes to thousandths."
And the guy won by two-thousandths of a second.
Dean Saddoris: Unbelievable.
Danny Lehr: Dude. That's unbelievable if you're running 100 meters. After skating 5,000 meters it comes down to two-one-thousandths of a second?
Dean Saddoris: Yeah all that time --
Danny Lehr: Are you fucking kidding me?
Dean Saddoris: All that time for error with that, how long that is. That's crazy.
Danny Lehr: That's insane.
Dean Saddoris: Because you literally have 3.2 miles to --
Danny Lehr: For anything to happen.
Dean Saddoris: -- Lose two-thousandths of a second.
Danny Lehr: Right, or gain two-thousandths of a second.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: 3.2 miles, and the difference is two-one-thousandths of a second. That goes to show you they are ... They also talked about when those clap skates come they gained about a second per lap.
Dean Saddoris: Oh wow.
Danny Lehr: So there was this huge difference.
So that just goes to --
Dean Saddoris: What's the clap thing about? I don't think I saw that.
Danny Lehr: The skate actually on the bottom of the shoe, it's connected at the toe still but when you go to pick up your foot the heel --
Dean Saddoris: Oh that's right.
Danny Lehr: -- Detaches and the claps back up. So what it does is it allows you to keep your skates on the ice for another split second every stride.
Dean Saddoris: So when you pick up it stays on but you're still digging when [inaudible 00:25:01] comes up.
Danny Lehr: Right, so you can dig a little further on the full skate, right.
Dean Saddoris: Interesting.
Danny Lehr: So, anyway, but it's like, man it's just, that's so crazy. It shows you that that's pretty much the limit of human possibilities until some sort of technology ... It's like in swimming when they ... In swimming when they started wearing the speed suits all of these records were broken because some piece of technology was a breakthrough.
Dean Saddoris: Wait, so people were swimming with full clothes on?
Danny Lehr: No, they were swimming naked, or with Speedos.
Dean Saddoris: Oh, no, you're talking about the pants.
Danny Lehr: Or just the whole suit. Or even like women's swimsuits. Before they would wear whatever suits and once they developed the technology that was like the different material, that would wick the water better, whatever, all their times went down.
So it's like, same thing.
Dean Saddoris: That probably comes down to the skullcap, too.
Danny Lehr: Oh, for sure. For sure.
So it was just, anyway, just interesting. Talk about the limits of human possibilities. When you're talking about that that close of a distance after that ... that close of a time after that long of a distance, obviously that's about what the human body's capable of.
Dean Saddoris: Do you think there's like a fingernail theory in swimming? Like, "Hey I wonder if I grow my fingernails out as long as I can, maybe I can just cut the water just a little faster and touch the wall just a little sooner than everybody else."
Danny Lehr: Yeah, that's a great idea. If you know the answer to that email us podcasts@caffieneandkilos.com. I'm actually ... that's really interesting.
Dean Saddoris: I mean I'm sure it's been thought about in the thousands of years people have been swimming for sport.
Danny Lehr: Do you prefer summer Olympics or Winter?
Dean Saddoris: Well, I would have to say probably summer because ... I don't know, I really like the weightlifting stuff. Obviously track and field's always fun to watch. But I mean, I love the snowboarding, I love the skiing stuff too. I love the big air that's new this year for snowboarding that I'm really excited about, like the one big trick.
Danny Lehr: Right, right.
Dean Saddoris: I think it's for skiing, too. I could be wrong. But yeah, I mean the summer games are the summer games.
Danny Lehr: See, Jess said she likes the summer games better. I like the winter games better and this is why. Summer games are great, I agree with everything you said. Track and field's always great to watch. I like that there's wrestling and weightlifting. I like all that, that's all great. But, here's the thing. I feel like summer games are like sports.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: And most of the things that happen in the summer games you can watch other times. Like, even track and field. You'll see some track and field stuff on every now and then, whatever, right?
Winter games are less sports, they're more stunts.
Dean Saddoris: Hobby sports.
Danny Lehr: No, like it's ... More like, shit's more dangerous. Where like I said, it's less sport, more stuntman type.
Dean Saddoris: You're getting more like X-Games stuff in the Olympics --
Danny Lehr: Yeah.
Dean Saddoris: -- the winter games, too.
Danny Lehr: Well, yeah exactly. And even before the snowboard.
Dean Saddoris: Extreme sports.
Danny Lehr: Downhill skiing. Take for example downhill skiing. Racing on skis. You go like 80 MPH on skis [inaudible 00:27:58]. That's fucking wild.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: When people fall --
Dean Saddoris: They get jacked up.
Danny Lehr: It's bad. Of course, you're hoping no one falls, but knowing it's a possibility, you know what --
Dean Saddoris: It's like watching NASCAR.
Danny Lehr: It's like the whole thing. And so that's why I like the winter games is because most of the things in the winter games you can't really see ... the only time you watch them is every four years in the Olympics.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah.
Danny Lehr: And so it's like hell yeah, I'm going to watch the super- ... I get fired up about downhill skiing. I love that. I love the speed skating. You know everything in the winter games is like speed this, speed that. It's all like a ... It's kind of like daredevil type stuff more.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah, it's all like speed stuff but not with the human body, it's more like with equipment.
Danny Lehr: Yeah.
Dean Saddoris: You get lots of speed with running and stuff like that but it's not the same.
Danny Lehr: It's not, yeah, exactly. It's not --
Dean Saddoris: There's not mother nature involved.
Danny Lehr: Outside of track and field ... Well I guess there's still the cycling and the speed thing, that's true. But it's like, you fall on your bike, okay you might get hurt but it's diff- ... You're not going 80 MPH downhill on your bike. You know what I mean?
Dean Saddoris: I mean really, even though it happened for the first time in 2014, the previous winter games, but I love the addition of slope-style snowboarding.
Danny Lehr: Oh yeah.
Dean Saddoris: The rails, the jumps. You know like when that happened I was like hell yeah. Because it's like basically you're getting winter X-Games but for gold metals.
Danny Lehr: Yeah.
Dean Saddoris: Because winter X-Games is all year, it's every year. So you still get to watch. That'd be basically like nationals and American Opens of those kind of sports, or whatever.
Danny Lehr: Curing. And all of the sudden I'm like, these guys are sliding around on their feet like their wearing skates but their not. And then they talk about it how they're pushing off the one foot though, now I'm like really into the footwear. And then they bring it up, right as I'm thinking that the announcers say it, great job because it was obvious to more people than just me. So they wear two different shoes. One shoe has a Teflon bottom so they slide on the ice, and the other shoe's got spikes on it ... Like little grip-y. So they're like pushing --
Dean Saddoris: Sometimes I'll see them take it off, too. And not even the shoe, it's almost like an adapter that goes around the shoe.
Danny Lehr: Oh really?
Dean Saddoris: Yeah, because I saw a guy that was wearing ... it was the twin brother and sister, I don't know if they were twins but anyway ... Brother and sister American team, they didn't make it to the playoffs but they ... One of the guys had on the USA color Metcons. So he was wearing some Metcons. And I saw another guy who was wearing the Nike SB Frees on the Canada team.
Danny Lehr: So they must be attachments. So it's like a .. They slide it like a Teflon attachment and one of the little spikes on the other.
Dean Saddoris: It's basically like a elastic attachment that went on the toe that you pulled onto the heel and clipped on.
Danny Lehr: Because it's [inaudible 00:30:34], they're going, they're sliding like that and I'm like, "Oh, man. That's interesting." You know what I mean? So yeah, they wear two different shoes, or --
Dean Saddoris: Two different, yeah, soles.
Danny Lehr: -- two different attachments. It's kind of funny. It's interesting.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah it was. I was definitely checking out that first guy that was wearing that same thing, how that worked. And I started noticing everybody had on different shoes. Some people even had the, looked like shoes that were, that had the soles screwed on or permanent. And some people had the removable. It was like a mixture of both. I feel like it's one of those sports where you kind of make your own equipment or there's very few options to purchase things. There's either one person that makes this style or you make your own like everybody else has been doing. And I was wondering about the sticks, I noticed, too--
Danny Lehr: Brooms.
Dean Saddoris: -- The brooms, yeah. Excuse me.
Danny Lehr: You savage.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah. I was wondering, are those ... they look like makeshift attachments on lacrosse sticks. So I think, I could be wrong, if anybody knows ...
Danny Lehr: Email us at podcasts@caffeineandkilos.com.
Dean Saddoris: But I think that, from my observation, that they're using lacrosse sticks with broom-head attachments.
Danny Lehr: Huh. Let me tell you this --
Dean Saddoris: Because actually, real quick, what's funny about lacrosse, it's funny how you put those heads together. You literally buy a head and a shaft and then you screw it into it with a screw from the hardware store.
Danny Lehr: So it made total sense if you juts buy the broom head.
Dean Saddoris: Yeah, and then you buy lacrosse